I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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