Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
