My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
