HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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