She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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