C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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