I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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