just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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