He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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