When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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