was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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