Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
