I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
