coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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