Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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