I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My Sexting was not on an AP level
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
