im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
