Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
