Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
