We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
