Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
