I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
