The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
