im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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