It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
operation harelip BJ is a go
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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