Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
