I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
