drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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