The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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