Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
