gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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