you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
