Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
