I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
