lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
