sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
FUCK WHALES
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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