I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
