I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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