this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
