I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
