11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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