Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
