Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We have started to decorate penises.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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