It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
