I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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