U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
