Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
