I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
