Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
