I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
