dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
