In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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